Boston and Bizarre Thoughts

My family of 3 joined my dad's much larger family in Boston this past weekend for a family reunion. While it was wonderful to see historic sites and have fun with family members that I rarely get to see, traveling always make my OCD worse. Going through the airport full of hurried people, flying with the germs of hundreds of other people, sleeping in a hotel room in sheets that are hopefully clean, showering in shared bathrooms, etc. Ah, the germaphobia got such a joyride this weekend.

While attempting to decompress after the teething toddler stopped crying (poor baby), I read an extremely interesting and helpful article. Written by psychologist Stacey Kuhl-Wochner from Southern California, it detailed the bizarre thoughts that she encountered throughout the course of her day. The catch? She doesn't have OCD. Her point was that everyone has strange thoughts and that it is possible to move past them. For people with OCD this is still possible, though obviously more difficult. Rather than reiterate everything that she wrote, I recommend reading the article in its entirety. If you are suffering from OCD, it will probably be very encouraging. If you know or love someone with OCD, it will certainly be illuminating.

Bizarre Thoughts and OCD

One of the most troubling parts of living with OCD is often the interactions that occur with family members or friends. Regardless of how much people may care for me, my struggle with OCD is still often seen as unnecessary quirkiness or me "being difficult or overly sensitive".
Please, please understand something: how I behave in response to my environment is in direct response to how well my OCD is under control.

My anxiety level is almost always in an elevated status, therefore, it is unwise (and unkind) to tease me about how I am attempting to keep the panic from bubbling over.

Also, I cannot actually change how my brain works in relation to OCD. I feel that I have made major strides in developing coping mechanisms and the ability to swallow the acid of panic before it ruins situations around me. Rather than chastising me for my inability to "get over it" or "just deal with it", perhaps offer some encouragement in the positive changes you have noticed.

I am not trying to make anyone's life more difficult by my behaviors or irrational fears. Having OCD has made working as a nurse incredibly difficult, has made being a mother downright terrifying (though I have heard that most parents spend much of their parenting career in mild terror), and has made relationships quite complicated at times.

Mental illness is often an invisible criminal, stealing away portions of lives that may never be returned.

There are people struggling with mental illnesses that are actually incapacitated and unable to live productive lives. On the other side of the spectrum, there are people living with mental illness that only deal with issues in very specific situations that they can avoid easily. I do not take it for granted that I am able to live life abundantly.

However, OCD has a constant and loud voice. A voice that I am sometimes victorious in ignoring. When I fall prey to the threats and lies of OCD, please do not take my actions personally or abandon our relationship.

There is one piece of certainty that OCD has not been able to discredit: love is powerful.

Stand beside me, forgive me, love me, encourage me and help me to move forward when I cannot take steps by myself.